left out

this is gonna contradict my post about my dearest friends.

i'm hating everybody today, having a really bad day.

woke up to a call from a very good friend and found out one of my

friend's father passed away. and i was told it was okay because it ended already.

how awesome to hear that huh. woke up hearing that everyone was there,

(the whole clique) except for me. how do you expect me to feel now?

apparently, i was still sleeping when they talked about it in whatsapp.

amazingly, no one mentioned about me. nothing at all.

and then they all met up. 

i could understand that they don't wanna call me because they knew

i was still sleeping and thought i wouldn't hear my phone ring.

oh, how do you know that? my sleep is more important than my friend's whose

dad passed away? i know they are sparing a thought for me.

but i cannot accept the fact that no one even bothered to try and contact me.

how awesome is it to start off your afternoon like this?

waking up to find out everyone left you out and went on to do something.

i'm sorry that i may be unreasonable for being angry at things like this.

and may be you think its my fault for being angry with them.

if you really want me to admit, i'm sorry i had to sleep till so late and

i couldn't wake up earlier to check my damn notifications.

well, except for one person, whom actually asked if i'm awake.

yes, ONE. and the rest? didn't have time to even care.

so this is how it feels like to be left out.

this is what i get in returned for placing all of you at such an important place.

i feel bad for not being there, my friend's house was just one bus stop away.

people could travel down and i, staying so near to her, didn't even make it down.

well, it was a short and last minute thing...

i still can't help but feel angry and upset. try being so upset and have tears of anger

and disappointment. sometimes i do think if the things i've done for all of you

is worth it or not. and sometimes, i admit, i regret doing some things,

and after that, i feel bad for having those thoughts.

maybe this is about me and my temper again. getting angry over such minor stuffs,

so sensitive over it. but, put yourselves in my shoes, how would you feel?

i must once again emphasis that EVERYONE in the clique was there.

i feel so disappointed. apologies wasn't what i was looking for.

if only ''sorry'' can solve all problems, i would have chilled.

and if you really mean it. 

so who wants to try to be left out next? can't believed i'm doing so much and

all i get in return is this. 

i've to admit i might be unreasonable and i'm sorry. 

but look who actually really cared when i felt this way.

i've gotten a clear look of who will be there and who will not be. 

look at the amount of replies i get. just look.

this is for all of you: you think my sleep is worth more? you think i would mind

waking up just for you all? its because its you guys, i wouldn't mind

at all. and it's a friend whose dad passed away, my sleep meant nothing

as compared to this. 

now i really wonder if everything was worth it. i might just regret what i said 

in the future. feeling left out is no joke. 

and i bet some of them still doesn't care.

those who apologized, i accept it, but it doesn't mean i'm fine already.

ignorance is a blessing. i might just wanna ignore everyone mentioned here today.

or even tomorrow.