sorry & thank you

It has been a long long time since I've posted anything.
But today, I am here to dedicate this post to the man behind this successful nation.
Yes, he is Mr Lee Kuan Yew, our first prime minister.
He has passed away on 23rd March 2015, a very solemn and sad day for all of us.
He will be giving the highest honor of funeral and I think he does indeed deserves that.
We Singaporeans may not talk much about him daily, but we all know, deep down in our heart,
that he was the one that has made what Singapore is today. Of course with the help of the other ministers. But without him, I don't think we would even have started from anywhere.
Often, we take things for granted, we complain (because we all know Singaporeans like to do that),
we demanded more, when we already have much more than what others have.
And for that, I am sorry, because I am one of those that complained.
I am not the most patriotic person, but I know how much Mr Lee has done for this country, and for his people. I don't think I will become a patriot any time soon, but I am thankful, for everything he has done. From cleaning up the Singapore River, eliminating corruption, laws to protect us, making me feel safe even walking out alone to buy supper at night, and to giving us clean water. I often said that I would want to migrate if I get the chance to, it most mostly due to the stressful education system, and high cost of living here. But, I have come to realized and appreciate this education system because we are being recognised as one of the top choices for education.

This man, has used his whole life, dedicated to building this nation and also turning it into a garden city. I am happy to stay in this beautiful environment, have a efficient transport system and not having to apply for visa to go most of the countries. Its his death that brought Singaporeans to realise that the man that was always there for Singapore is no longer with us. And its also the first time I saw Singaporeans queuing up for so long just to pay respect to him (other than discounts or sales). And this, brought us together, bonded, and united. But it is also heart wrenching to see people just tearing up for him, I cannot fathom how much he has done or feel as much as the older generation, because while I was growing up, I only heard little stories of him. But, I am also happy to say that I have attended the same primary school as he was; Telok Kurau Primary. I love history, but not so much interest of Singapore's but Mr Lee's death, will always be part of it and his legacy will be assured.

I have heard things about him, about what he do to always be in power, how he handles his political opponents. But, these are not proven, and the things he have done for Singapore are. However, I have heard people telling me that they have experiences overseas whereby citizens have shown their love for Mr Lee, and how lucky we are to have him. They are envious, and Mr Lee has made Singapore, this small little country, known to every other people. Recently, I've been reading articles about his life, his love for his wife, his love for us, his love for Singapore and his leadership. I am also surprised to see many world leaders sending condolences and flying here to pay respects. It shows how much effort he has put in to build relationships with them.

"50 years ago he wept for the nation, 50 years later the nation weeps for him"

I may not have experience many of the dramatic changes he have made to Singapore, but I know that if it wasn't for him, there wouldn't be us, there wouldn't be this Singapore. My mum, a PR, also respects Mr Lee, and constantly said that he had contributed a lot to give us this comfortable life and that if it wasn't for him, Singapore would not have made it. The separation from Malaysia did not come wasted, although he struggled, he still manage to lift this nation up, and took the responsibility of the people lives in his hands.

I have paid my respect on thursday 26 march. It was a long wait, but it was worth it. It was the last chance and will be a good memory for me. Even after he have stepped down from being the prime minister, he still looks out for all of us. He was a thrifty man, and encourage the use of as little budget as possible. He does not live in a mansion or a grand house, it is just a property off Oxley road that is not renovated or whatsoever.

Thank you Mr Lee, for everything you have done, I am sure you have no regrets seeing how Singapore is today. I am sure Mr Lee Hsien Loong will carry out what you believe and your values and to help Singapore prosper even more. I am regretful you cannot celebrate the SG50 with us this year but I know you will feel proud to see this country turning 50 all thanks to you. I am sorry we all took so many things for granted. And I know you will always watch over Singapore wherever you are. To me, you are not just a leader, you are a founding father, a father that all Singaporeans share.
I hope you reunite with your beloved wife.

饮水思源，原来这句话是那么的适合您。感谢您给我们清洁干净的水。
很感谢您让我们有个好生活，有个家。
不问前程凶吉，但求落幕无悔。
我希望您这一生的努力，打拼让您落幕无悔。
谢谢您把这一生献给了新加坡，为我们打造个人人羡慕的国家。

92

Its been a long time since I've posted.
I'm back here to dedicate this post to someone whom I loved,
but did not spent much time with.
Although she may not see this, it is for myself, for how I actually remembered her.

My grandmother, passed away last Sunday, 5.10pm.
It was a regretful day, I was outside with my family having fun when my dad
called to say she was in the hospital. We tried to rush back, but midway we received
another call to say that she's gone. But we still went down, of course, to see her for the last time.
I know everyone's time will come but I did not know hers was so soon, I was still expecting her to be
over 95. Maybe I should not be too greedy.

I have a lot of relatives, my grandmother gave birth to 7 sons and 6 daughters.
Most of us were there, and of course, there were tears.
Upon seeing her lifeless body on the bed, looking so frail and skinny,
I kept thinking of how chubby she used to be.
My uncle forbade us to cry out loud, for her to have a peaceful journey.
It was not a tragic thing, she lived a long life of 92 years,
seen my cousins get married, saw her great grandchildren.
But I know that my cousins still cannot help but cry.

The wake took place on the following day to Wednesday, and we sent her off on Thursday.
Her body lied peacefully under our void deck, her face prettily done, and that will be the
last time I will ever see her.
There were a few dedications to her at the crematorium hall,
and we all could not help but shed tears.
I am sad, it was hard to hold back tears even though I know she had a good life.
Yes, she is a woman of few words, a mother, a grandmother and a great grandmother.
Even though I did not spend much time with her during her later years, which I regret,
I had fond memories of her when I was younger.
Because she lived one floor above us, we used to run up to visit and she used to come down for dinner.
There was this particular memory that stayed with me, I think I was being mischievous
and she took a feather duster to chase after me from the kitchen. But she never did hit me.
I used to know how to speak teochew and to differentiate it with hokkien, because there was a period of time when she took care of me while both of my parents went to work.
I also went to the wet market with her regularly in the morning when I was younger (my mum forced me to wake up), and we will always pass by this shop where they sold telephone cards whenever we are going home.
I thought they are quite nice and I wanted to buy, it was always my grandmother who bought them for me. I have no idea how much they cost and I have no use for them, I just collected them.
But she did not say anything and would pay for them.
 I'm glad during her later years, I visited her here and there and she could still recognise me.

My cousin shared his fond memory of her as he lived with her during all these years.
His family had to take care of her everyday, and my aunts that stayed with them also helped.
I could see that they cried the hardest, and days will be especially hard for them to
see her empty bed each time they go into her room.

I also sincerely thank my bunch of awesome friends who made it down to pay respect.
Especially when you guys are tired and busy already. This has just 10000000 confirmed that you guys are the best and truest friends. Love you guys.

My grandmother enjoys CNY, its the time where she get to see everybody,
she would sit in her chair quietly and smile. She loved coffee and teochew food.
She cannot speak chinese and can only understand a little.
I was born after my grandfather died, so I have never met him before,
I have never had a grandfather's love. I envy little kids whose grandfather pick them
up for school. But I am thankful, for my grandmother has filled in this hole.
When she was in the hospital a few times before when she was a little younger,
I'm glad I actually made the trip down everyday to visit her. My mum would cook her
favourite dishes while I kinda enjoyed her hospital food. And each time, she would come out healthy.
I would sometimes take her medicine out for her and put on the table because I thought it was quite fun, she had a big box of different medicines to take.
Only in recent years she had to walk extra slowly, sit in a wheelchair because she had
difficultly breathing. I was heartbroken when I saw her that way because her hands were so skinny, and all I felt was her droopy skin and bones.
My mum often praised my grandmother saying she's the best we could ever have, it is true.
I grew up without grandfathers and grandmothers meant a lot to me, even though I may
not have expressed it verbally.

I only wished that her passing would help my dad, to stop his bad habit, as she worries a lot about him. I'm happy my uncles and aunts are helping us out, and I know she'll be happy too.
Its been over a year since my eldest uncle has passed on, and I hope she'll find peace with him.
I guess it was not that easy for her last year either.

To be able to raise so many children and work hard to keep all of them is not easy.
3 bows to you is definitely not enough. I thank my grandmother for giving me so many relatives
and my father who has spoiled me when I was young. If not for her, my childhood would not be
as wonderful. I thank Buddha for giving me such a lovely grandmother, for she gave me a complete childhood. I hope in the next life, you can be my grandmother again. If I am able to choose, I will choose to be born in this family again. It was wonderful to have you as part of me.

Thank you Ah Ma.

hope

haven't been here for a long time.

I didn't had the feel to blog.

But today I did because I couldn't get this feeling out of me.

I lost some hope today.

And I thought it was going to be easy getting into the dream school.

It wasn't.

But I know I shouldn't lose hope yet.

After all, la vie en rose right?

19TH

havent really got the time to update ever since school starts.
yes, blame school for everything hahaha.
but i'm also keeping myself busy with all the new shows.
school is fine and i'm just here to update this dead space.

my 19th was well spent over the week before my actual birthday
and on the actual day with the most precious people i can have in my life.
i don't know where can i get such friends anymore.
even though i know there are times when i get all cranky,
and my temper works up again, thanks for being generous
and tolerating me.

i celebrated it with Erica first, the very friend I've known for 6 years already.
she's the best-est friend I can ever ask for, even though
we had our quarrels and stuffs hahahaha.

to the brother who sponsored the cake at his workplace 

and gave us discount for the food. and his friend

for a free plate of meat. we were so full.

 Apparently, Erica got addicted to going to bars and we went to

drink again. yup. she definitely is addicted. 

and yes, i have asian flush. i was red like an apple

that night holding the huge ass balloons she bought for me

(thanks, i really love it and its the first balloons i got

on my birthday)

everyone was looking at me that day, i don't really feel embarrass

and i got a free drink at maki-san hahahaha

it started out with

"do you want to be my soul sister"

on msn.

not me, she started it.

and i couldn't thank god enough for this

friendship.

no amount of words can describe how much i cherish

this friendship that have blossomed today.

just wishing for us to mature more and meet up more (erhem)

and for your life to not be so busy as you grow.

and for our friendship to last long till we die (choy)

and to the special bunch who made me feel

extra loved and special that exact day.

i look fat in the photos omg.

but my mum insist she likes my face with more fats better.

thanks:

for sharing stuffs with me, listening to my complaints,

gossiping with me, doing the work and helping me.

for being the extra crazy guy and for the lame jokes.

the noisy one, the generous and giving one.

couldn't thank god/buddha enough for this bunch,

and it gets bigger as the year passes by.

glad to have met, glad that we had so much in common,

glad we made crazy plans, glad we are more than just good friends.

for being the brave one, the one who stands up for me,

the protective one, for sharing things with me,

for complimenting my jokes/insults (which i dont mean it),

for making me feel good about myself.

for being the person i least worry about. for

telling me little things in your life. for being nice

and not the dramatic kind. for everything you have 

planned for that special day. and the effort

you always try to put in.

and to afiq, for

being fine with us eating pork, and telling us to go ahead

cos you dont wanna trouble us.

for being another one with good temper.

for going crazy with the other guy.

for cutting down on your clubbing days hahahah.

for us being able to get close

even though we knew each other since sec 1 but only got closer 

in sec 4. for being nice and kinda funny at times.

for being so round (kidding), for having such good temper,

for giving in to me, for not taking our jokes

about you seriously, for helping me if you can.

so much love for all these people who chip in for the present,

which i really loved, and for that wonderful night. 

happy to have you guys as the most awesome sis/bros i could have.

and major thanks to my parents who brought me to this world and taught me

the right things in life.

the past

watching this show about the past reminded me of our childhood.
everything we had, we were happy.
we make the best out of everything we have.
and this show talked about one sided love,
which the protagonist said its pathetic and the only way to
end it was through confession. because they would not have regrets.
thinking about that, people used to be able to just
express their feelings face to face, but us now, through technology.
that kind of courage they have, we can never/may not find
in this 21st century.
but, there are some things i wanna keep from the present, and some from the past.
because maybe, the best and purest joy to have, is maybe to
not have what we have now.

adventure cove

virgin experience to adventure cove!
i enjoyed it. before the actual day, i actually felt kinda sian,
i dont know why, maybe because i'm the only girl, again,
somehow like the halloween night at uss came back to me.
but, nevertheless, i didnt mind, and i had fun.
woke up so early, i had little sleep because i couldn't sleep.
i guess i felt comfortable enough with the guys and it wasn't much
of a problem that i was the only girl.
thank afiq for his waterproof case, we were able to take pictures.
i definitely regret not being able to swim, have short breaths (probably
because i havent exercise since forever). because i wasn't able to
go for snorkeling. i feel insecure about not being able to touch the ground,
and had difficulties breathing through my mouth.
too many excuses, i blame myself for not learning how to swim,
but then again, i dont wanna have broad shoulders.
well, i realise swimming is an important ability.
i guess, learning the simple one/type will do.
like, someone teach me how to thread water please.
the fishes look so pretty even from the outside, i feel such a pity.
but, i saw dolphins, my sister told me it wasn't easy to see,
and fortunately when we were passing in the river,
they were having their feeding time.
i think their adventure river is one of the coolest, who else has fishes at the sides.
that day was good, fun, and tiring, i went home, thinking
i would want to die on my bed, but i had some energy left
for my daily dose of dramas. anddddd i fell asleep almost immediately
around 12plus that night. it was the earliest night i have have to bed ever
since holidays started.
i guess today will be a good day too because i'm meeting some of the usuals
for dinner and dessert.
if anyone sees this post, lets meet up more often this holiday,
because i know most of us would be busy when year 3 starts,
and when our internship is coming. (DO YOU ALL SEE THIS)

pictures:

yup, taking it underwater, only realised this great idea

after seeing eldric's and dz's selfie in my phone.

lastly, i dont know if its sunburn or not, i left the place with my

skin perfectly fine and at night it became so dry,

i feel my skin tightening, hopefully it doesnt peel.

but its kinda red though, please go off soon :(

really hating the weather.

trying

i am trying hard.
but sometimes i let my emotions run and it doesn't end up good.
i end up showing my worst, my temper.
i do get really sensitive and people will think i'm unreasonable,
but i have my own reasons, my own thoughts and feelings,
that if i share how i feel, i may end up feeling like i'm the sensitive one.
or maybe, just really, unreasonable.
but i am really trying.
sometimes i think that if i meet someone soon,
i may not have to try so hard,
because at least that someone will always be there,
even though i may get sick of it,
that person will be there, talking, going out etc.
okay nights :)