92

Its been a long time since I've posted.
I'm back here to dedicate this post to someone whom I loved,
but did not spent much time with.
Although she may not see this, it is for myself, for how I actually remembered her.

My grandmother, passed away last Sunday, 5.10pm.
It was a regretful day, I was outside with my family having fun when my dad
called to say she was in the hospital. We tried to rush back, but midway we received
another call to say that she's gone. But we still went down, of course, to see her for the last time.
I know everyone's time will come but I did not know hers was so soon, I was still expecting her to be
over 95. Maybe I should not be too greedy.

I have a lot of relatives, my grandmother gave birth to 7 sons and 6 daughters.
Most of us were there, and of course, there were tears.
Upon seeing her lifeless body on the bed, looking so frail and skinny,
I kept thinking of how chubby she used to be.
My uncle forbade us to cry out loud, for her to have a peaceful journey.
It was not a tragic thing, she lived a long life of 92 years,
seen my cousins get married, saw her great grandchildren.
But I know that my cousins still cannot help but cry.

The wake took place on the following day to Wednesday, and we sent her off on Thursday.
Her body lied peacefully under our void deck, her face prettily done, and that will be the
last time I will ever see her.
There were a few dedications to her at the crematorium hall,
and we all could not help but shed tears.
I am sad, it was hard to hold back tears even though I know she had a good life.
Yes, she is a woman of few words, a mother, a grandmother and a great grandmother.
Even though I did not spend much time with her during her later years, which I regret,
I had fond memories of her when I was younger.
Because she lived one floor above us, we used to run up to visit and she used to come down for dinner.
There was this particular memory that stayed with me, I think I was being mischievous
and she took a feather duster to chase after me from the kitchen. But she never did hit me.
I used to know how to speak teochew and to differentiate it with hokkien, because there was a period of time when she took care of me while both of my parents went to work.
I also went to the wet market with her regularly in the morning when I was younger (my mum forced me to wake up), and we will always pass by this shop where they sold telephone cards whenever we are going home.
I thought they are quite nice and I wanted to buy, it was always my grandmother who bought them for me. I have no idea how much they cost and I have no use for them, I just collected them.
But she did not say anything and would pay for them.
 I'm glad during her later years, I visited her here and there and she could still recognise me.

My cousin shared his fond memory of her as he lived with her during all these years.
His family had to take care of her everyday, and my aunts that stayed with them also helped.
I could see that they cried the hardest, and days will be especially hard for them to
see her empty bed each time they go into her room.

I also sincerely thank my bunch of awesome friends who made it down to pay respect.
Especially when you guys are tired and busy already. This has just 10000000 confirmed that you guys are the best and truest friends. Love you guys.

My grandmother enjoys CNY, its the time where she get to see everybody,
she would sit in her chair quietly and smile. She loved coffee and teochew food.
She cannot speak chinese and can only understand a little.
I was born after my grandfather died, so I have never met him before,
I have never had a grandfather's love. I envy little kids whose grandfather pick them
up for school. But I am thankful, for my grandmother has filled in this hole.
When she was in the hospital a few times before when she was a little younger,
I'm glad I actually made the trip down everyday to visit her. My mum would cook her
favourite dishes while I kinda enjoyed her hospital food. And each time, she would come out healthy.
I would sometimes take her medicine out for her and put on the table because I thought it was quite fun, she had a big box of different medicines to take.
Only in recent years she had to walk extra slowly, sit in a wheelchair because she had
difficultly breathing. I was heartbroken when I saw her that way because her hands were so skinny, and all I felt was her droopy skin and bones.
My mum often praised my grandmother saying she's the best we could ever have, it is true.
I grew up without grandfathers and grandmothers meant a lot to me, even though I may
not have expressed it verbally.

I only wished that her passing would help my dad, to stop his bad habit, as she worries a lot about him. I'm happy my uncles and aunts are helping us out, and I know she'll be happy too.
Its been over a year since my eldest uncle has passed on, and I hope she'll find peace with him.
I guess it was not that easy for her last year either.

To be able to raise so many children and work hard to keep all of them is not easy.
3 bows to you is definitely not enough. I thank my grandmother for giving me so many relatives
and my father who has spoiled me when I was young. If not for her, my childhood would not be
as wonderful. I thank Buddha for giving me such a lovely grandmother, for she gave me a complete childhood. I hope in the next life, you can be my grandmother again. If I am able to choose, I will choose to be born in this family again. It was wonderful to have you as part of me.

Thank you Ah Ma.